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From the bottom of my little old heart. Thank you.


So here’s an interesting development.

A friend of mine called me this morning to tell me that while reading the paper, she saw that the guy who lives behind us is on the neighboring county’s “Top 10 Most Wanted” list for failure to appear in court and probation violation. There’s a reward for information that leads to his apprehension.

Honestly. He’s holed up in his house nearly every day while his stupid, stupid, STUPID six Chihuahuas bark their heads off. You’d think the cops would just cruise on by. But my friend said she thinks I should turn him in. There might be enough reward to go out to lunch, she said. 😉 Ahh, she knows my priorities well, this one.

No way in hell, though. This guy is so foul, so repulsive, so low on the evolutionary scale that he’s maybe one step above amoeba, if you catch him on a day when he combs his hair. He’s just gross. He came to our door once to ask a perfectly normal and civilized question, and it was all I could do not to puke on his feet. Because of him, what has the potential to be a nice little pocket of the neighborhood is instead its stinky armpit. He and his foul-mouthed troglodytic wife are the topic of a blog unto themselves, and a topic best left for another day. Never fear, fair readers. You too will one day know the, um, wonder of the man my friend has coined the Waddling Wall-eyed Wonder.

Anyway, besides being all those things, he’s also the kind of guy who would break your car windows if he suspected you of doing anything untoward, such as, say, informing the police of his whereabouts (even though he is clearly AT HOME). I’m just not stepping into that territory.

Wise decision, no? I’m just saying.

September 2008
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