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Finally! After much speculation that the mouse suffered grievous injury after freeing itself from the trap and probably vanished somewhere, Sean came home today to find it stuck in a trap by its tail. In a removal method involving tongs and an empty Capri Sun box, he took it out and dropped it perilously close to the backyard neighbors’ house. Heh heh heh. Hopefully it will invade them. It should have no trouble outsmarting them.

And now I’m done talking rodents. I think. On to something else. I saw Twilight today. And it’s not that it was bad…it’s that it was *so* bad that I can’t do justice to its horrible shiteousness. At least it gave us some hearty laughs. 😉

So in doing a bit of research today, I discovered that in addition to buying mouse traps, you can also buy “scorpion glue boards.” The mind reels. Shud. Der.

A wise person advised me last night to consider the alternative to a mouse. I could have a gigantic scorpion in my house, raring to do battle with a cat (if I had one). What a delightful image.

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I really hope that Tomcat scorpion traps surpass their mouse traps. Because the latter suck ass. Ick.

Lovely, no? 😉

So, now. I have tried peanut butter, cream cheese, and “mouse attractant,” whatever on earth comprises that. I have tried three different types of traps. Last night, we had it cornered, with a trap at each point of egress. The mouse paused for a moment and then basically leaped over the trap. During the night, I heard a trap snap…and then bump around for a while…and I had a tremendous crisis of conscience. And then, this morning…no mouse.

I have bought sticky traps, but I have yet to try them. The ick factor is waning, but it’s still too great for me to charge in with a full head of steam.

I have found my white whale, and I am in pursuit. Ahoy.

So, does everyone remember that moment in the Pixar flick Ratatouille, when the little old French woman sees the two rats in her kitchen and starts blasting at them with a shotgun? She shoots a ring around her chandelier, which falls to the ground and reveals the entire huge colony of rats that had been living in her attic. They teem forth, running pell-mell over and around her, to escape to the boats they have stashed on the riverbanks–which I thought was a nice touch. ;).

Anyway, now that we have the backstory, that’s how I’m feeling right now–like the elderly French woman, not the rats. And thank goodness, we’re not dealing with rats, because while I am not a particularly squeamish woman, one glimpse of a rat and I would be out. of. here.

But we have a mouse. One cute, fat mouse that has been having its way in this house for WEEKS. Seriously. Weeks. This mouse must have escaped from some sort of genetic test lab, because it has to be the smartest goddamn mouse on the face of the earth. It has eluded all FOUR traps I’ve set for it and has left behind multiple icky reminders of its presence.

I have had to empty my silverware drawer (eww) and two cabinets and clean them and wash every single fork, knife, casserole and baking dish I own. I have a big freestanding cabinet in my kitchen that I use as a pantry. Yesterday, I heard a noise in the lower half, where I keep flour and other things in canisters. I opened the door, and there it was, right beside the sugar, twitching its little nose at me. I, of course, slammed the door and felt slightly skeeved. The five-year-old wanted to pursue it with a hammer (LOL), but we talked him out of it. I emptied and cleaned that cabinet today, figured out where it was getting in, and fixed it. Every store I have checked is out of mouse poison, which works but is always my last resort.

And now, as I sit here and work tonight, it has run in and out of this room no fewer than five times. It’s adorable, but…ick. It needs to go before it sets up camp in the attic and I have my own Ratatouille moment. Hera, give me strength….. 😉

Sorry, kids. I’ve been waylaid by life. But who can’t smile after last week’s incredible and staggering election results? I have resisted telling certain people to bite me, but I’m hopeful that I’ll have my chance. 😉

Yesterday I finally discovered the most perfect recipe for meatloaf. Before you ask, no, I didn’t shape it like a question mark. But there’s always hope. But I feel as though a very miniscule chunk of my life has fallen into place. I’ve been searching and searching for a great meatloaf recipe for ages, because let’s face it: Meatloaf is comfort food, through and through. My husband declared this one “Light. Usually your meatloaf is more brick-like.” I’ll take it as the compliment it was intended to be. 🙂

I have been in a funk lately. I think part of it is realizing that I need to make some serious changes in my life. I need organization. I need motivation. I need to turn thoughts into action. I’m like Hamlet, only not nearly as interestingly tragic. But I’m not sure where to start. And I’m not really, truly sure what courses of action to take. But I’m getting there. I hope.

And so we come to the funny part of this little missive. If you know me, you know that I HEART Christopher Guest. And if you don’t know who that is, watch A Mighty Wind. Waiting for Guffman. Best in Show. And my all-time favorite, This is Spinal Tap. It’s comedy that’s not stupid, and it makes me laugh. It is, to quote the film, “a fine line between stupid and clever.” Anyway, the other day I was surfing along, looking for Christmas toys, and I found these.

 

Go ahead. Click on them. I can’t imagine how much fun those would be after a few margaritas. You could pull them out and start spouting things like “Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it?” and “He was the patron saint of quality footwear.”

I’m cracking myself up now. It’s time to go.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!

More later. 😉

I’ve been swamped here, so the blog has taken a backseat. But I’m coming out of hermit status to say one thing.

Vote. Just. Vote.

Do it. Please. Go now. Do it. And get it right.

Thank you.

I’m watching Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel. My husband laughs at me for doing this and thinks I’m kind of gullible, but he also laughed yesterday when I told him there’s an OB-GYN named Dr. Harry C. Beaver practicing near Washington, DC…and I was right. I can’t imagine keeping a straight face while seeing Dr. Harry Beaver for an exam…but anyway. The point is, Ghost Adventures is interesting and kind of titillating, and frankly, I would rather watch this than the stupid Speed Channel. Harumph.

Anyway, tonight they’re locked inside Moundsville State Penitentiary in Moundsville, WV. I went to grad school in West Virginia (and yes, I know all the jokes), so I googled the penitentiary and learned that while it no longer houses prisoners, it is open for both daytime and overnight tours. And while reading about these tours, I saw this little announcement.

Beginning January 2007, Prison Tours will be closed all HOLIDAYS.

Damn it all. There goes Christmas.

😛